Back once again for the renegade master, default damager, power to the people!

Fuck yeah.

Admirable’s Division 1 Predictions

Oh my! Last week’s results have thrown the proverbial spanner in the works. Read on you crazy diamond.

The Sproggalots vs nineLegends

This match in one word: Critical. The winner will remain the main challenger to the German War Machine, and the loser? They be fucked!

The Sproggalots didn’t get to play last week as de-stroyers didn’t feel like fielding a team even with their much touted Commander resurfacing. The resident physician here at the ENSL, Dr. A. Mastarter, diagnosed the German side with a bad case of Oh-no-I-cannot-field-my-best-team-itis and they have been scheduled for testicle implant as soon as possible. So then, will I look to their previous game as a guide to how they will perform? Yes, and no. The draw versus LOLSTEAMROLL was a bad result for Sprogga, it highlights a inconsistency that will creep in from time to time, and if you consider that last seasons’ champions only lost three rounds total, it’s sort of a big deal. However, the result has been a quick kick in the arse for them and now they are on the warpath. No doubt you have noticed the addition of yet another Finn to the squad, Taneli “Tane” Lilja. The is terminally bad news for every other team in Division 1; a Shotgun Pressure with enigmatic, GreeN, and Tane? Ouch! Although technically Tane is ineligible for this fixture, I have an inkling that nineLegends might be willing to compromise…

The nineLegends team has had some very hit and miss performances recently. After a controversial (or not, in this e-Sports journalists’ opinion) draw against Sweden’s own Snowrollers spirits appear to have been a little dampened. I had the privilege of listening in to nineL ventrilo during a PCW during the week… bad vibes man, bad vibes! There is always a light at the end of the tunnel though. Sherpa’s insatiable appetite for real life has forced Fana to seeking out a more active Commander. Former Knife teammate, evilness, had resurfaced recently and was duly put through his paces as a potential candidate, but years of idleness had taken its toll and he was crossed off the list. So today when I checked the roster and saw Bobby “b1” Jonsson had magically appeared there I jumped to a conclusion! I have yet to ascertain if b1 has overcome is Commander phobia but if anyone was going to get him back in there it would be the ENSL’s Best Dressed Viking 2006, Øivind K. Foss. All unconfirmed speculations aside, nineLegends have a big job ahead of them this weekend with Pizza reportedly unavailable. Even if Sprogga allow b1 to play I don’t think he can turn things around in two days. Ultimately, the magnitude of their defeat will be determined by how well n44bj and Fana play.

Impact players:
sprogga ~ : sheep (Insane Lerking), Kuitmo (Marine), GibbZ (Fade)
nineL * : n44bj (Marine\Fade), Fana (All-round\Strategist), b1 (Comm?)

The Sproggalots 4 - 0 nineLegends

Adz’ Final Thought: Four nil?! That’s a bit harsh, Admirable? Well… I’ve been wrong before ;)


Snowrollers vs Flatline-Ns

All hope abandon, ye Swedes who enter here!

Snowrollers responded well to the tongue lashing I gave them in last week’s predictions. Some will argue that their draw versus nineLegends was undeserved and that they exhibited poor sportsmanship, but I’d say that the behaviour of Fana probably coloured their decisions very heavily. It’s all water under the bridge now so we will move on to more pressing matters. The German War Machine rumbles in to Sweden and I think you would be best to hide in your igloos or whatever you snow monkeys do up there for shelter. Honestly, it’s not all that bad. It’s worth noting that Flatline-Ns have a less than impressive record on Orbital so if you want to make a stand I think this is as good a chance as you might get barring Lost (who votes for this garbage?). Hopefully with madlax installed as Commander I will be seeing an increased level of activity from the Snowrollers, and the addition of old-hand, stalk, to the roster is not to be sniffed at. I imagine the recent departure of b1 will have no noticeable effect with sR, as he did fuck all anyway. Good luck to the Snowrollers; they’ll need it!

At the risk of sounding stupid, Flatline-Ns were more than a little lucky in their four nil destruction of LOLSTEAMROLL. Infamous ‘inventor of the wall-hop’, phil, managed to keep his cool and carried his lacklustre teammates to a crucial victory. Easily the individual performance of the season so far for me but that’s enough the textual fellatio for one week. Incase you hadn’t noticed the Germans mean business this season; having dissembled the Finnish Steamroller, (and their chances of competing for the title) Flatline-Ns now have their sights firmly set on the inconsistent Swedes. A glance at the roster page alerts me to the return of alcohol connoisseur and quality Commander, L@ugh, happy days! If L@ugh can maintain a decent level of activity we will hopefully see more of HiVeFiSh and Morvie in the field as Marine, glad tidings for all you action lovers and HLTV fanboys. This game should not be a problem for a team of Flatline’s experience and capability, but if CRAB BATTLE!!! can steal a round then perhaps other teams can also spot chinks in their armour. I miss you Cosmic :( Let’s be friends!

Impact players:
sR | : atman (Fade\Marine), madlax (Comm), Action_IHOP7 (Lerk)
~flatline-ns` : phil (My Hero), M (Shotgun), L@ugh (Comm)

Snowrollers 0 - 4 Flatline-Ns

Adz’ Final Thought: Snowlollers will never win this in a million years. Tune in next week for more reverse psychology.


CRAB BATTLE!!! vs LOLSTEAMROLL

The Finns got exactly zero rounds from Flatline-Ns, and Crab got one. I’m no mathematician, but think it’s pretty obvious who will emerge victorious here.

No, I will not shut up about winning a round from Flatline. Yes, I know shotgun rushes are gay. OK! The colossal CRAB BATTLE!!! had a bye last week; so if you were wondering why everything seemed to be less fun last week, now you know. These crazy crustaceans had been having a bit a problem with activity in the last few weeks. The players themselves are all relatively active but trying to get people from three or four timezones to be online at the same time as their elusive Commander in Chief, Badmirable, is no walk in the park. But with the unseasonably good weather in Ireland coming to an abrupt end, activity levels will no doubt be on the rise. A sad looking Frenchman turned up on the European NS scene recently. I just couldn’t resist those puppy dog eyes, so AckmaN now plays under the crab banner and is showing good signs of regaining his old form. As for whether CRAB BATTLE!!! will win this fixture or not, I would have to say probably not. A tie is not out of their grasp but with doogie’s orange selling business taking up more and more of his time things look uncertain. LOLWTF! Spantard down.

Much respect to LOLSTEAMROLL! They took a real body blow last week in allowing Flatline-Ns to whitewash them and subsequently losing a vital component of their team (C-mies Tane) to The Sproggalots; but they have come out swinging this week. Former Saunamen Citrus and pimppy are a welcome addition to the roster, and with a renewed vigour and positive attitude from players like Juha “zh” Oinonen the outlook is good and the stance aggressive. LOLSTEAMROLL know that after last week’s result they need to practically destroy everyone four nil to remain in contention for the top spot. Despite their main Aimboat sailing off into the sunset LOLSTEAMROLL’s Marine pressure remains one of the most formidable in the division. A poor Resource game from Peacham was ultimately their undoing against the Germans; allowing them to recap on Lost and not capping early enough on Veil. The Finnish Alien Rounds are still not top drawer material, but with any luck Citrus will be able to regain previous form as Fade; I never rated Tane anyway! :D

Impact players:
(v)o_O(V) : saba (Tank), gobot (Marine), Admirable (Threat of Rage)
?lol-? : NsN (Marine), N@de (Marine\Lerk), Citrus (Fade)

CRAB BATTLE!!! 1 - 3 LOLSTEAMROLL

Adz’ Final Thought: LOLSTEAMROLL need this victory, and CRAB BATTLE!!! might just let them have it!


OK Cunts.
I’m done for another week.
Make sure and post lots of comments as they are what I use to measure my self-worth. Anything below 50 and I might take a bath with the toaster...

Potato out.


Bacillus' Division 2 Predictions

Group A


Noname - Vital

A bit two-sided match coming up. On Veil Vital feels comfortable as ever and takes two rounds easily, no doubt. On Orbital it's a whole new game going on. The map has been played more on the American leagues, giving the Nameless a nice advantage in map knowledge. Even though the map tends to cause weird results here and there, I think Vital is active enough to minimalize the map advantage. Orbital rounds are most likely interesting, but otherwise Vital shouldn't be in any kind of trouble here.

Biggest Impacts
Nameless: The ping disadvantage, Orbital surprises?
Vital: Orbital play, Bigbanana (Comm).

My pred: Vital 4 - 0 Noname


Orchid - NS~F

Orchid keeps me guessing every week. So far I haven't seen them play a single match with hltv and yet I'm supposed to try to predict their matches week after week. NS~Force on the other hand has been playing solid ns all-around, but so far they've needed either a bit better teamwork or bigger hitters for their marine rounds. Also, some inactivity and maybe inexperience have resulted in mistakes such as losing an upgrading armslab to a lone skulk. Most likely they will be able to avoid the mistakes this week and get their marine play into a lot better shape. It's most likely going to be an even match with relatively ordinary tactics. NS~F has the upper hand, but I doubt its enough to break the alien tie routine even in Veil.

Biggest Impacts:
Orchid:The lifeform play
NS~F NS~F: Jiriki (Comm), marine play


My pred: NS~F 2 - 2 Orchid


Dom - bP

One of the most interesting matches this week. So far the Germans have shown a lot of potential, but quite little improvement in their play. This week they are going to need everything extra they've got fight the Domicide. I doubt the bP can take more than one round from the Dom, but their alien rounds are most often formiddable enough to fight the Americans. A lot depends on Domicide's shotgun luck on the laggy circumstances. Every full hit lost because of lag hurts big time.

Biggest Impacts:
bP: Alien play
Dom: The Lag Effect, FREIGHT_TRAIN.


My Pred: Dom 3 - 1 bP


Group B

RawR^ - ^|TTS|^

An interesting match. TTS keep going with their unique tactics and all-around performance. This week RarR^ is going to test their skill in a close match. I'd say rawR^ is a difficult opponent for the Hungarians because of the well rounded lineup and good teamwork. The teamwork is absolutely crucial if you want to be countering the TTS mass shotguns and skulkrushes. While rawR^ is busy countering, TTS has to keep their lifeform and marine game stable. I'd say rawR^ has the upper hand, but its going to be quite a match anyway.

Biggest Impacts
RawR^: Teamwork, quick response to anything unexpected
TTS: Lifeforms

My Pred: RawR^ 3 - 1 TTS


{H|M} - Rm

This is going to be closer than you think. The Hell's milita have been underperforming the whole season, while the Memory Men of France have been a positive surprise. HM is packing a lot of individual skill and some good tactics, but so far the have been losing rounds to a little sloppy marine play and lag troubles. I expect solid rounds and usual tactics. A very solid and entertaining matchup coming up.

Biggest Impacts:
Rm: Marmotte (All-around), marine tactics
{H|M}: Lag, marine performance.